ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
