hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
