Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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