I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
