I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Randomize
