I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
splinters make it hard to masturbate
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
