I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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