Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
you win again, gameday.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
