He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
