When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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