peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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