you guys were way drunker than both of me
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
