The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
