I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
she looked like the before picture.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
