i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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