i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I will pee on everything he values.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize