Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Randomize
