I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
