this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
