Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
two words...techno handjob
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
