I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
