Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
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