I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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