Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
So here I am, sexting at work.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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