i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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