well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
