I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
