kristin has been a bad kristin
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
