She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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