no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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