well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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