So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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