I looked at my own cervix.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
