nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
