I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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