Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
