it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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