Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
