Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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