I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
