I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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