I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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