i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
