the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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