I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
