So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
