When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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