Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
