Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
we're making bets on your personal life
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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