I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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