I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
