u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
