This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
