u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
