whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Randomize
