Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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