I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
