so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
