She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
