My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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