her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
