guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
