I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
