You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
3pm strippers are depressing
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
