nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
